Week 20 – The play’s the thing, Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king

“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,..”
- William Shakespeare, As You Like It, 2. 7. 139-167.

Death is one of the most popular characters in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series. He always speaks in Small Caps. This may have something to do with, being a skeleton, he has no vocal chords.

"Of every tree ... thou mayest freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die"
-Genesis 2 v 16-17.

Introduction: The man sits in a simple chair in the centre of the stage. His arms rest on the wooden arms of the chair; He does not move any part of his body while speaking.

Man: Well, my friends, things have come to a pretty pass. All my life I have been so busy doing things and acquiring goods. And I have had some successes, and also some failures. I have worked hard and played hard.

I have studied and learned about this wondrous universe we inhabit. I do not claim to understand it all, but have developed a reasonable understanding of what makes it tick, and how to make it work for me.

I have loved and been loved. I have enjoyed beauty, from the glory of the very smallest elementary particles, to the largest galaxies and the Sloan Great Wall. And the greatest beauty of all is the wonder of life in all its variety, depth and complexity.

I have laughed at humour and cried at sadness.

And I never gave much thought to the future. Oh yes, I know that life is not infinite; That one day I will die. But not really: That future seems to belong to someone else, another persona, divorced from my daily living. Even the loss of friends who passed on did not bring it home to me.

[Death appears at the left of the stage. He is dressed from top to toe in black. As is traditional, he carries a large scythe.]

Death: Well met, my friend. You have led me on a sorry dance, but here we are at last…

Man: What do you want with me, old man? What business do we have together?

Death: All men and women eventually have business with me. Surely you have heard of me? Does my reputation not precede me?

Man: I’m sure I do not know you. Have we met before? Why do you wear that dark cloak, and why is your face hidden?

Death: We have met many times before. But you do not remember…? I think the first time we met was when your grandfather Duncan died, but you were very young, and probably don’t recall anything. We met when Bob Powell died. And we met when your grandmother Bep died… And the next time was when your mother died? Are those enough to jog your memory?

Death: Allow me to introduce myself: I am Death.

Man: [Aside in stage whisper]: I don’t know whether to be impressed or to laugh out loud. Should I be honoured, that Death himself has come along to collect my soul? Wizards and other significant figures have the privilege of being collected by Death himself, but I would have expected to be met by a lesser functionary. Even Shakespeare said:

“When beggars die, there are no comets seen;
The heavens themselves blaze forth the death of princes.”
- Julius Caesar, Act II, Sc. II

Death: Let’s get back to business… You have been on my to-do list for some years now, but somehow you keep avoiding me, and I’m starting to lose patience with you.

[Aside] Sometimes I wonder why I took on this job. And it gets harder with each passing year. It used to be fairly straightforward. A small war here or there; some pestilence or famine; or a natural disaster; and I could collect souls by the thousand. But Man has learned to interfere with my work.

Man: I have not needed your company in the past, and I see no reason to need you in the future…

[Thinks] : Let me think about this for a while… There seem to be a few attitudes I could adopt:

- Ignore Death – Maybe he will go away?

- Death is not really what it seems to be – But what is it?

- Face the reality, and seek a way to escape. But where can I escape to?

Death: Let me show you your record in my database. Yes, I move with the times! The continual upgrading of technology costs me a pretty packet, I can tell you, but it is Worth it, to have all the facts at my finger tips. [Just a turn of phrase, as I don’t Have any fingers!]

Here we are: I can see we have had some close calls, but you always slipped from my Grasp. When you were young and started playing with electricity I thought I had you a few times. And when you got your driving licence I was filled with hope, but it was not to be. And when you tried your hand at rock climbing I had a few chances, but you were far too wary…

Man: It looks like I was careful, or just lucky. So there we are: I still have no need of you.

Death: Don’t be too quick to dismiss me. Over the last century I have been developing some backup plans. Call them insurance policies. In your case I got you out into the sunlight from an early age, and as a teenager I got you to spend many hours on your bicycle, out in the fresh air and sun. Sounds attractive, but the UV light is invisible, and its effects build up over time.

Another plan I had was to develop a high sense of responsibility, and hope that you Would become a workaholic – The idea being that you would eat badly, suffer from Stress, and neglect your health. And I would get you at last, in one way or another.

Man: So there it is at last: I have been looking for a scapegoat. You are the one I can blame for this melanoma. But we have caught it, and for the moment I am free of it. I am taking interferon treatment for a year, and I have made great strides in improving my general
health, and I’ll beat it yet!

Death: Don’t be too sure of that. I still have much power over this process. The melanoma insurance policy was a good one, and man and his technology can only go so far. I will meet many of you before five years are up.

Man: [Aside] This Death is sneaky. But I wonder if he is just trying to annoy me, or make me worry? I have been able to maintain a positive attitude, and I’m sure this has helped me in everything else I am doing to fight him. But if I let doubts enter my mind, my resolve may waiver.. But on the other hand, I know that the statistics show he is correct.

[Aloud] I have faith that I will beat you yet. All I need to do is carry on with the interferon treatment for a year, and then I should be free of it. I don’t mind putting my life on hold for a year… I can start making plans for what I will do next year. I have always been able to work on long-term plans, and this is no different… I just need to put up with the lousy side effects, and in no time it will be over, and I can carry on with my life.

Death: [Aside] Aha, he thinks he has it all worked out. But he is quite right: I am a sneaky bastard, all right, and I will not give all my secrets away.

[Aloud] Well, it looks like you are correct. Your surgeons have done a good job, and you appear to be free of further spread… so far. I have to give you credit for working so hard on your health as well. Your blood pressure is under control; No sign of Diabetes or heart disease. And losing that excess weight has reduced the risk of other diseases…

Man: [Aside] Aha! I’ve got him now – He agrees with me, so I must be doing something right. Let’s see if we can get rid of him.

[Aloud] Well sir, I think you have to agree with me – We have no business together today…?

Death: Much as I hate to admit it, you appear to be correct… for the present. I wish You a good day. I have much other urgent business, in Africa and the Middle East, so let me waste no more time on you.

Good day.

[Aside] It is as I thought: This man is putting up a good fight and appears to be Winning, for now. But there is one important point he has missed: Sooner or later, they all succumb to my scythe. There is no way out. The only questions are: When, and How?

[Exits]

Man: At last, I was worried that I would not be able to get rid of him. What a loser… Now I can carry on with my original plan. I will continue with the interferon treatment. It’s a nuisance, and has limited my movement, but will be worth the effort. Once this year is over I can get back to normal, put my life back into order, and start doing all the things I want to do. Must get out that list and add a few more things which have come to mind…

[Starts writing in a little red book.]

[Death appears again at the edge of the stage. The Man cannot see or hear him, but we, the audience, can see and hear him clearly.]

Death: Most men have a very simple view of my role: They live their simple lives, and When I finally take them way, they call it death. But I am more devious than that… That simple death is only the final stage – the last nail in the coffin, to repeat one of my favourite phrases!

Here is the secret: Life is to be lived, embraced, enjoyed, from start to finish. But very few men are able to do this, and that is where I start to profit, long before the end. When men stop living, or put their lives on hold, there am I, starting to take over, and from there it is steadily downhill, and I take them finally.

Some men live in the past, recounting past joys and triumphs, or bemoaning past accidents and wrong decisions. What a waste, reliving the past: But it limits their ability to see what could be, and I am there, standing just behind them, steadily taking away what little life they have left.

Others live in the future, slaving away now, in depressing cubicles, saving their money and time for some point in the future when they will be able to start really living. These are also some of my star performers. They are so busy saving for the future that they do not see me standing close. And I pick them off, one by one: Heart attacks; cancer; traffic accidents; Alzheimer’s – These are my tools in trade. Too late, too late, each one finds his life suddenly cut short, and all those plans go down the drain.

But the present is the only reality: Happiest is the man who is truly living in the Present. These are the men who give me the greatest difficulty, and I cannot do much about them, until our final meeting.