Week 44 – Getting to grips with frustration
[Start of rant]
I know this interferon creature quite well now. As regular as clockwork I do the injections and feel lousy for a while. I keep telling myself that it is only temporary, and after a day or so I will feel more or less normal again. For many months now I have battled with the frustration of not being able to do all the things I would like: The feeling of tiredness and lethargy, light-headed when I stand up or try to do some physical exercise; aches and pains all over my body.
Even though I fight against it, I have got resigned to not being able to do everything I would like. In each week I know I will have three lousy days, three better days, and one bonus day extra. So I have scaled down my expectations of what I can do. I have a lot of tasks and projects, and I have just had to prioritise them. At one end of the scale are those things which must be done; At the other end are tasks which will just not happen, however much I would like to get around to them.
So, everything is under control, right? All I have to do is plod along until week 52, and then life can get back to normal.
Well, not quite. Every now and then something goes wrong with the plan. For example, the last couple of weeks I had a tummy bug – probably just a virus. Everyone says “there’s a lot of that going around!”, as if that makes me feel better. I felt lousy, run-down and weak. And the injections continue.
The result is that I just don’t get anything done: I used to have 7 good days in every week, more than enough for anyone. I have reconciled myself to a drop to, say, 3 good days each week, and I plan for that. But then something creeps in and the whole week becomes a write-off.
And I get so frustrated! I understand what is happening, and I know it will not last for ever. I know that next week I will probably feel better, and be able to get more done. But in the meantime there is physical pain, in not feeling well. And mental pain (= frustration). Even though I understand it, and I’ve come to grips with it, the pain is still there… All I can do is grit my teeth, and carry on, looking forward to week 52.
[End of rant]
I know this interferon creature quite well now. As regular as clockwork I do the injections and feel lousy for a while. I keep telling myself that it is only temporary, and after a day or so I will feel more or less normal again. For many months now I have battled with the frustration of not being able to do all the things I would like: The feeling of tiredness and lethargy, light-headed when I stand up or try to do some physical exercise; aches and pains all over my body.
Even though I fight against it, I have got resigned to not being able to do everything I would like. In each week I know I will have three lousy days, three better days, and one bonus day extra. So I have scaled down my expectations of what I can do. I have a lot of tasks and projects, and I have just had to prioritise them. At one end of the scale are those things which must be done; At the other end are tasks which will just not happen, however much I would like to get around to them.
So, everything is under control, right? All I have to do is plod along until week 52, and then life can get back to normal.
Well, not quite. Every now and then something goes wrong with the plan. For example, the last couple of weeks I had a tummy bug – probably just a virus. Everyone says “there’s a lot of that going around!”, as if that makes me feel better. I felt lousy, run-down and weak. And the injections continue.
The result is that I just don’t get anything done: I used to have 7 good days in every week, more than enough for anyone. I have reconciled myself to a drop to, say, 3 good days each week, and I plan for that. But then something creeps in and the whole week becomes a write-off.
And I get so frustrated! I understand what is happening, and I know it will not last for ever. I know that next week I will probably feel better, and be able to get more done. But in the meantime there is physical pain, in not feeling well. And mental pain (= frustration). Even though I understand it, and I’ve come to grips with it, the pain is still there… All I can do is grit my teeth, and carry on, looking forward to week 52.
[End of rant]
posted by Peter | 2:04 PM
1 Comments:
Hang in there, Peter. You have a new cheering squad with the Paton families in El Cajon, CA and Raleigh, North Carolina. Our son, Bob, is in week five of his treatment regimen and started the self injections just this past Monday. I know you have communicated with Bob's wife, Amanda, and she has been most appreciative of you sharing your experiences.
The cosmos are beautiful.
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