Week 45 – Getting back to your life before interferon
[I’m sure I have written about this topic before, but I can’t find it. It may have been in an email to someone. So I apologise if I am repeating myself!]
Setbacks are a normal part of life. Hopefully one gets over them, and carries on stronger and wiser.
When you have a cold, or dose of flu, you feel bad for a while. But you take your medicine, get lots of rest and liquids, and within a short time you forget all about it. If you break a leg, you put it in plaster, rest it, go through the physio, and within a short time it becomes history. Here in South Africa we live in a violent society: There are many people who have had their vehicles hijacked at gunpoint, or suffered robberies in their homes.
But people generally recover from these setbacks. They are usually quick, unexpected, and temporary. Of course they may leave some scars, physical or mental.
So what about this melanoma and interferon experience? Well, in theory you are diagnosed, and then do the treatment for a year. The treatment is not nice, but for most of us it is bearable, and however bad it may be, you can look forward to the end of the year with relief and optimism. Then you have a final set of scans, and celebrate with a party, or a world cruise!
And you can get back to your previous life. Everything that you put on hold can now be taken up again. You get back to work, meet people, buy the groceries, take up new hobbies, drink wine again, have a romance, spend more time with family and friends, and so on.
But however much you would like everything to revert to the way it was, this will probably not happen. Because YOU have changed over the year. You have learned a lot about melanoma, and it has put a different complexion on the world. You have learned that you are mortal; that none of us lives for ever. You have learned the value of just existing in the present, and enjoying life for what it offers you. You have learned who your real friends are. You have learned to enjoy beauty wherever you find it – In music, in nature, in people, and in whatever you do.
And you have learned patience! Each time you do the self-injection you know you will feel lousy, but you go ahead… Because it is important for your future, and because you know that however it affects you, you will start to feel better the next day. And those days when you feel good are wonderful! Who would have thought how wonderful it is to wake up in the morning, have a cup of tea or coffee, and look out the window at the world, and know that you have another day in which to do things, or not as the fancy takes you… Read a book; have lunch with a friend; wash your hair; all the simple and mundane things are wonderful, because you are alive!
So, does one simply put it all aside? It’s over, like the broken leg, like that bad dose of flu?
I remember many years back working on some statistics for our business school. In this country, many MBA students are subsidized by their employer. This can be a fairly major investment for the employer. We discovered that a fairly high proportion of MBA students would change their jobs very soon after completing their degrees. The company who had footed the bill would probably get back the costs, either from the student, or from his new employer. But two years have gone by, and the company has lost out on someone who they were grooming for greater things in the future.
So, why did so many move? In some cases it may have been salary related. But the main reason was that each of those students had themselves changed. They had learned much about business, but also much about themselves. And realized that they did not want to work for a furniture company. (IT, bank, farming,… You name it). Or they realized that they wanted to work for themselves, and build up their own venture. Or, as one student did, give it all up and move to Spain, and start a donkey trekking business.
The bottom line to all of this is that one should not expect to find everything unchanged. Your view of life has probably changed more than you realize. You may go back to your job, home, hobbies, etc, and this stability will be valuable. But you may also find that some things are no longer as important as you thought they were.
You have some new priorities in life.
Setbacks are a normal part of life. Hopefully one gets over them, and carries on stronger and wiser.
When you have a cold, or dose of flu, you feel bad for a while. But you take your medicine, get lots of rest and liquids, and within a short time you forget all about it. If you break a leg, you put it in plaster, rest it, go through the physio, and within a short time it becomes history. Here in South Africa we live in a violent society: There are many people who have had their vehicles hijacked at gunpoint, or suffered robberies in their homes.
But people generally recover from these setbacks. They are usually quick, unexpected, and temporary. Of course they may leave some scars, physical or mental.
So what about this melanoma and interferon experience? Well, in theory you are diagnosed, and then do the treatment for a year. The treatment is not nice, but for most of us it is bearable, and however bad it may be, you can look forward to the end of the year with relief and optimism. Then you have a final set of scans, and celebrate with a party, or a world cruise!
And you can get back to your previous life. Everything that you put on hold can now be taken up again. You get back to work, meet people, buy the groceries, take up new hobbies, drink wine again, have a romance, spend more time with family and friends, and so on.
But however much you would like everything to revert to the way it was, this will probably not happen. Because YOU have changed over the year. You have learned a lot about melanoma, and it has put a different complexion on the world. You have learned that you are mortal; that none of us lives for ever. You have learned the value of just existing in the present, and enjoying life for what it offers you. You have learned who your real friends are. You have learned to enjoy beauty wherever you find it – In music, in nature, in people, and in whatever you do.
And you have learned patience! Each time you do the self-injection you know you will feel lousy, but you go ahead… Because it is important for your future, and because you know that however it affects you, you will start to feel better the next day. And those days when you feel good are wonderful! Who would have thought how wonderful it is to wake up in the morning, have a cup of tea or coffee, and look out the window at the world, and know that you have another day in which to do things, or not as the fancy takes you… Read a book; have lunch with a friend; wash your hair; all the simple and mundane things are wonderful, because you are alive!
So, does one simply put it all aside? It’s over, like the broken leg, like that bad dose of flu?
I remember many years back working on some statistics for our business school. In this country, many MBA students are subsidized by their employer. This can be a fairly major investment for the employer. We discovered that a fairly high proportion of MBA students would change their jobs very soon after completing their degrees. The company who had footed the bill would probably get back the costs, either from the student, or from his new employer. But two years have gone by, and the company has lost out on someone who they were grooming for greater things in the future.
So, why did so many move? In some cases it may have been salary related. But the main reason was that each of those students had themselves changed. They had learned much about business, but also much about themselves. And realized that they did not want to work for a furniture company. (IT, bank, farming,… You name it). Or they realized that they wanted to work for themselves, and build up their own venture. Or, as one student did, give it all up and move to Spain, and start a donkey trekking business.
The bottom line to all of this is that one should not expect to find everything unchanged. Your view of life has probably changed more than you realize. You may go back to your job, home, hobbies, etc, and this stability will be valuable. But you may also find that some things are no longer as important as you thought they were.
You have some new priorities in life.
posted by Peter | 1:13 PM
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