Week 43 - A view of the cosmos

I started off this last week full of the joys of living and keen to get a whole lot of tasks done. I thought my digestion was back to normal, but that was not so – Every second day I feel a bit more normal, and then do a little exercise, and then I have had diarrhea and cramps, so I have had to backtrack and look after myself much more carefully. Seems to be working, but my body is responding very slowly while on interferon.

So this week I kept a low profile – For two days mostly horizontal! – and caught up on some reading. Funny how when you’re not feeling good, you also don’t feel like reading the things you should. I found I had to goof off, reading Robert Parker stories, which are fun and don’t take too much concentration. I have a few books and magazines on my bedside table and keep intending to read them, but you know how it is … The road to hell is paved with good intentions, etc!

You remember the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears I’m sure? When Goldilocks tasted their porridge, the first was too hot, the second was too cold, but the third plate was just right! The topic of just why we live on a planet / in a galaxy which seems to be just right for life has been a hot topic for some years now. First the anthropic principle, as it was called, had some bad press. But times change, views change, and now everyone who is anyone has something to say on this. So I have been reading Paul Davies’ latest book, The Goldilocks Enigma. Davies sets out to give a quick summary of the state of knowledge, and all the new theories, about the cosmos, and then use all of this to explain exactly why our world is ‘just right’.

The problem with trying to write a book like this lies in identifying the target audience. If you set your sights too high, and assume that readers are already familiar with quarks, leptons and bosons, not to mention dark matter and dark energy, then the number of people who would buy the book will be very small indeed. At the other end of the scale, if you write it for a mass market (Sunday newspaper; television…) then you really have to leave out most of the important and interesting detail, and cut directly to the final conclusions. It is no easy task.

I think Davies does an admirable job, but this book is not for you if you don’t already have a scientific background. The problem is that, to get to where he is going in the discussion, he has to teach the reader an enormous of stuff. So, I found this an excellent book to bring me up to date with current knowledge and ideas in cosmology. But I keep wondering how many people will buy the book, read the first few pages, and then put it aside when it gets too difficult!

So what is the relevance of the picture on this page? Well, after all this discussion of cosmology and the wonders of the cosmos, dark matter, string theory, etc, I was reminded of the glorious Cosmos flowers which grow as weeds, and start flowering from now until late autumn all over the region where I live. Cosmos comes originally from Mexico, and has made itself at home on the eastern highlands of South Africa. The show depends to some extent on the early summer rains, so is different from year to year.

Week 42 - Cape Town wedding

Posting this from my sister’s house in Cape Town. We have just attended my niece’s wedding – This is the second wedding of this generation. The bride looked absolutely fabulous, and it was a nice friendly occasion.

Last week I thought I had just tried to do too much. But it turned out that I had a bit of a cold, and for 2 days I had a sniffly nose and did not feel at all good. At the same time, I lost a filling from one of my back teeth, and have a very sensitive tooth – And my regular dentist is away until next week! Having been on interferon for so long I relate everything about the way I feel to the regular injections, and probably miss the cues to the other minor ills one goes through.

I had a careful plan about my injections. I timed it to do one injection on Thursday evening, and then fly to Cape Town on Friday morning. The flight should have been easy, but we left rather late for the airport, and then as luck would have it there was a quite severe traffic jam due to earlier accidents. We only just made the flight, and had to park in the expensive short term parking area. The end result was that I got really stressed and tired. Then I decided to see a local dentist about my sensitive tooth, and this just made everything worse.

I have not had digestive problems before, but the last week my stomach has not been stable. Generally I feel OK when eating, and it is very rare for me to feel sick. But I have been having stomach cramps and some diarrhoea. Hope that it goes away soon!

I know I’ve said it before: While on interferon, everything is more complicated. You have to plan your life carefully, and then make sure that you allow for unexpected problems. It’s not so easy, but the priority must be my own health, and to keep on with the regime while removing the stresses of living. Everyone needs support from friends and family, and I’m so lucky that I have this.

Cape Town is a lovely city, and most of my family live here. This evening the rest of the family have gone out to eat fish and chips and watch the sunset at Fish Hoek – Something I have always enjoyed. But I need to do another injection, and decided that I just need to take it easy and have a relaxing evening. However much I would like to believe that I have this interferon under control, it still makes me feel lousy for 24 hours, sometimes less, sometimes more, so here we go again, and hopefully I can then enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Week 41 - Don't get carried away

I got this card some time back and had to share it with you!

Very short post this week. After shooting off my mouth in my last post, I did far too much work on Sunday - Gardening; working on my antenna tower; and sorting out and tidying my desk and study. By the evening I was not feeling good at all, and had a very bad night ... Almost the same as immediately after the interferon injection! So today I am taking things very quietly and slowly ... When will I learn!

But the nice part is that I am making good progress.

This next weekend we fly to Cape Town for my niece's wedding, and will be away for four days. I have done some careful calculations on the calendar, so that injections will not interfere too much. During Christmas I actually advanced my injections to fit our social life, so I have a "credit" of two days which I can now cash in when needed.

Week 40 – A new beginning

The end of the year has always been a time for me to clear out the debris of the last year, and start looking forward to the New Year. Every December, once year-end exams had been written, I would do a major spring-clean of my room. Throw out all the notes from studying; file all the notes worth keeping; and generally clear my desk. At the same time I would discover all the books and magazines I had intended to read, and projects not yet completed…

As the years have passed I continued the tradition. The end of the year, with Christmas, summer holidays and celebrating the New Year is a time for clearing out all the rubbish which has accumulated, and clearing the decks for action in the New Year.

And this year has not been an exception. A few months back I would have found it very difficult to look forward positively. But all that seems to have changed… I am now very positive, and looking forward to the future.

I suppose the main reason is that I am now over 75% of the way through interferon treatment. And so far there has not been any recurrence of the melanoma. Obviously this does not mean that I will not have any challenges in the future, but it’s good enough for me at this stage!

A year out of one’s life seems like a long time. Particularly when one has had such a shock as melanoma … A year seems more than a lifetime. But time is inexorable – It carries on at its own steady rate, and the one thing we have no control over is time. And suddenly I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m starting to see the opportunities once I get out of this tunnel.

The time I have spent on interferon has not been wasted: - quite the opposite. It has given me a chance to catch up on many projects at home; I have been able to catch up on reading; I have spent time with friends and family. I have developed a better idea of what I want from life, and what I can bring to others.

And I think I have come to grips with my mortality. The young are totally convinced they will live for ever. But the one thing we all have to meet at some point or other is death: With some religious exceptions, no ordinary mortal has managed to change this simple fact. It’s not how long you manage to live: What is important is what you make of your life, and this is different for every one of us.

OK, enough preaching and moralizing!

I am also feeling much better. I still do the injections 3 times a week, and don’t feel too good after each dose. But I am doing much better than 6 months back, when I would barely recover from one injection before the next one was due. Perhaps my body is getting more used to the interferon, and is able to cope better.

But I think the main impact has been a new “nutritional supplement” which I have been taking for the last few weeks. Now, I tend to resist any wonderful new supplement, particularly if the manufacturer spends a lot on advertising. There are far too many vitamin and food supplements on the market – just look at how much shelf space they occupy in the stores. This particular supplement was recommended by his surgeon to my brother-in-law, after he had some rather nasty, major surgery. This product is soy-based. What I particularly liked is that it provides about 20% of the RDA for most vitamins and minerals, and provides 21 amino acids. It comes as powder which you mix with milk – The regular milk dose will obviously also provide some benefits.

Anyway, I am not trying to sell it to you. But I found that after about a week or so, I was recovering from each interferon injection much more rapidly. Whereas I previously needed at least 24 hours or so before I felt normal, I now need less than 12 hours. A few times I have been up at 6am to do some gardening, before the day gets too hot. Provided I don’t overdo it, I also seem to avoid the previous feelings of tiredness and exhaustion.

As a result, I have also been getting much more exercise. I have been doing a lot of gardening; done some work on the car; and made steady progress with my antenna project. I’m sure that getting more exercise contributes to feeling better… It is like a positive feedback cycle: The better I feel, the more exercise I am able to get, and then I feel even better.

So, what’s the bottom line to all of this? Well, I am feeling good, and also very positive about the future. I still have 3 months to go on interferon, and I’m not sure whether I want to try to get any work now, or wait until I am completely finished treatment. I work as an independent consultant, and have to go out looking for each contract. There can be a long lead time (unless you are lucky!), so I have decided to start developing my contacts and skills, with a view to getting some contract work by April or May. So, starting tomorrow (Monday) I will set aside 3 hours each day specifically to get back into work mode.

But it’s tough: I am really enjoying this sabbatical!